(Dr. Barry Simon's first visit To Power Surge)

Dearest:   In his book, "Break The Weight-Loss Barrier" 
my guest tonight, DR. BARRY SIMON teaches us to apply strategies 
in coping with cravings and to a common sense approach to a 
personalized weight-loss plan.

Dr. Barry Simon explains why diets fail and presents his 
technique on gaining mastery over automatic self-defeating 
internal conversations. 

Dr. Simon is a psychiatrist and a psychoanalyst trained at 
Columbia University and at the University of Toronto, where he 
is an Assistant Professor of Psychiatry.  Dr. Simon is on the 
staff of the Clarke Institute of Psychiatry in Toronto. He 
specializes in the treatment of obesity, and is Treatment Director 
at The Center for Heart and Metabolic Studies in Toronto. 

Dr. Simon lectures internationally on the implementation of weight 
management and wellness strategies and has appeared on numerous 
radio and television shows.


Dearest:   Welcome to Power Surge, Dr. Simon :)
     In your book you say, "We have spent 10 years developing 
a program that helps you identify and modify the only important 
moment of change: this moment.  If you waste time chastising 
yourself for what you did yesterday, you lose the momentum of 
this moment, which could lead to change." 
     I think one of the biggest problems people have is 
becoming so angry with themselves for falling off a diet, they end 
up sabotaging themselves and set up barriers to their own success:(. 
How would your program help us re-program our thinking in order to 
avoid this pitfall?
     Thanks.


Dr. Barry Simon:   Thanks for having me here tonight.
           That's great question.. cutting back on self abuse is 
the first step I deal with that by having people listen to their 
self attack I do that by having them take a deep breath and see 
that it is what they are saying to themselves that gets them into 
so much trouble.


Dearest:   So, basically, we program ourselves to fail and succeed? 


Dr. Barry Simon:   Well our inner critic has success in mind but it has 
the subtlety of a hammer. So we need to quiet it down.


Dearest:   And what sort of messages or affirmations can we give 
ourselves in order to prevent this wrong programming? 


Dr. Barry Simon:   If you think about it, our inner critic is saying you 
have to do better.  To succeed first accept its good intentions, 
then begin to listen to what gets you into trouble.  What is your 
own inner conversation as you open the fridge door and look in for 
a snack.  That is where I want to start in the moment of making 
choices.


Dearest:   I think you say in your book that we make "forecasts"....
like when we have to exercise, we'll tell ourselves, "I have to 
exercise on this bike, but I KNOW I can't do it for 15 minutes."  
Is that what you mean? 


Dr. Barry Simon:   We don't live in reality, we live in the reality we 
create with thoughts like that one, Dearest.


Dearest:   Ahh... what a negative reality :(
           Let's go to the audience for some questions.


Dearest:   Mary, go ahead :)


PianoMary:    Why in the world do we program ourselves to fail?  


Dr. Barry Simon:   We don't program ourselves to fail, we program 
ourselves to deal with a reality  An old reality, where we didn't 
have the skills we could have now.  So unfortunately in stressful 
moments we resort to thinking that is so urgent and overwhelmed 
we can think straight.  
           That is why my book begins with deep breathing.  You 
need to slow down to succeed  Your present solution is your best 
shot.  I want to help you take a better shot at it 


Dearest:   Dr. Simon, last week I fell off my diet because of an 
emergency with my father.  In the past, this would have been the end 
of my diet. I would have chastised myself and started overeating.  
Instead, I accepted fact that I fell of because of a good reason 
and went right back on. How does that happen? 


Dr. Barry Simon:   That is a great example of success.  Instead of beating 
yourself up and losing all of your motivational energy, acceptance 
let you put it all behind you and focus all of your energy on now 
- this moment and only this moment.  That leaves you with all of 
that 'beating up' energy available to either solve your slip or to 
just motivate yourself to start again. I tell people acceptance is 
25% of the battle  


Dearest:   Thank you, Dr. Simon.   Mgb, your question, please.


Mgb421:   Can you give us a specific example of how we deal with 
stress 


Dr. Barry Simon:   What kind of stress MG  We psychiatrists, need to answer 
a question with a question.


Dearest:   :)


Mgb421:   Stress of everyday life that would make us overeat or 
not want to exercise 


Dr. Barry Simon:   How about?  Sure, you get on the scale and you have 
gained a pound..This is a common stress in the people I work with.


Dearest:   Can you be more specific, Mgb?  Name something that's 
stressing you out?


Mgb421:   Dad is in nursing home 


Dr. Barry Simon:   That is more serious MG let me try that one.  First, 
begin by asking are you getting support for that stress.  Food is 
one of our best friends.  Are you taking care of yourself? If not, 
is food the only solution you have time for?  If the answer is no 
then you need to deal with your needs and fears first before you 
can replace the food.


Mgb421:   I do have support and I try to take care of myself but I 
need motivation to exercise. 


Dr. Barry Simon:   Ok, I am glad to hear that.  I'd first ask myself how 
can I begin to walk either on my way to the nursing home or on 
the way back.  You need that time to release all of that tension 
you must carry.  I'd suggest some stretching to release the 
tension many people feel in their body in your situation.  By 
stretching you won't turn to food to relieve it in the first place.  
In our book, we teach the stress breaker breath. 


Dearest:   Dr. Simon, what about the guilt children may feel about 
having to put a family member in a nursing home?  Isn't food very 
soothing to our guilt? 


Dr. Barry Simon:   It can be. Guilt is about saying I haven't done enough 
]and being angry with yourself you can't do more.  That leads to a 
lot of tension that needs soothing.  When it comes to our parents 
it is very hard to say 'I've done the best I can...and live with it.


Dearest:   Dr. Simon, Power Surge is also a group of women in 
Menopause - with its own stressors :(   Kathycorn, go ahead.  


Kathycorn:   Who or what determines obesity?  Is it mostly how we 
see ourselves?


Dr. Barry Simon:   Obesity is caused by genetic predisposition, how we 
eat, how much we exercise.  How much we can do about, or how much 
we do about it is determined by how we see ourselves.  One woman 
in my group, said " I do everything else well, why can't I get 
this into gear.  She then confessed that after saying that line, 
it was followed by the urge for M&Ms.  
    That is what I teach - how those in the moment comments, 
 like I should be able to control myself, lead to feeling 
 frustrated and turning to food for solace.  "It is because of 
that "should" that our goal of what to do about late night 
eating is long forgotten."  It is our inner dialogue that gets us 
in trouble.    


Dearest:   Dr. Simon, here's a scenario:  I've had a stressful 
day.  I want to eat something gooey and yummy.  I know I shouldn't.  
What should I tell myself?  


Dr. Barry Simon:   First, take a slow deep breath, have a warm bubble bath 
and put off the desire for fifteen minutes.  Build your confidence 
by succeeding for 15 minutes.  Then I'd say to myself.. I've 
succeeded for 15 minutes, what else could I do to satisfy and 
reduce my stress.
           Beginning that dialogue of what can I do? - that 
question is the start for every overwhelming moment.  Most people 
are saying 'I can't do anything but eat, so what's the use.  Does 
that help, Dearest?


Dearest:   It does, Dr. Simon.  It would probably help a LOT 
more if I could take the "something gooey" into the bubble bath, 
too :)  (just kidding, Dr. Simon)  MBrant, please go ahead.  


MBrant1004:   Any recommendations on how to motivate myself in 
losing weight?  The mind is willing but the flesh is weak!


Dr. Barry Simon:   Sure, begin by getting a new motto.  The saying 'The 
mind is willing but the flesh is weak' is not very motivating.  
How about the mind is willing and I'll bring my body along...to 
see how it goes the first day or two.
           Seriously, how about going at it one meal at a time.  
Begin by deciding to stay on track for breakfast for three days.  
Then decide if you're ready to move on to lunch.  Also, get to 
know what your inner conversation is that keeps you stuck.  Any 
clue MB?


MBrant1004:   Not specifically. 


Dr. Barry Simon:   That's the first step.  You need to know how your 
Inner conversation gets you stuck.  MB fill in the blank -- 
Healthy eating is......Don't think too hard


MBrant1004:   Fat free.


Dr. Barry Simon:   MB that sound's like it's missing how you feel about 
healthy eating.  It's how you feel that determines what you do in 
life.  A clue to how we feel is in our automatic thoughts - let me 
explain... Let's say when you are out for dinner and look at the 
menu and see the fish entrée and the steak.  You say to yourself, 
"The fish will never be  enough for me, I'll end feeling hungry."  
That thought determines how you feel which is some form of deprived.


Dearest:   Dr. Simon, why don't we let everyone fill in that blank.. 


Dr. Barry Simon:   Great....


Dearest:   Everyone, type to screen what you'd fill in that blank 
space :)     Healthy eating is _______


PianoMary:   High fiber
Snowpaux:    Good for me
Andicrafts:  Good for me
MMichon:     Invigorating
Dearest:     Wise, but sometimes boring  
Norlee:      Healthy eating is tasty!
RCHCTH:      Good fresh fruit and veggies
Z J Gragg:   Rabbit food
TISHWEAVER:  Beyond me
Dearest:     LOL, ZJ
Sue:         Boring
NanPhil995:  Difficult to achieve sometimes
Kathycorn:   Is different from what I enjoy eating.
KaliMa28:    Confusing
CPouy:       Good.


Dearest:   Dr. Simon, any thoughts on our responses? Besides the 
fact that we all need therapy (g)


Dr. Barry Simon:   We have a pretty healthy audience... Rabbit food, 
boring is what I usually hear.  That is where you need to start.  
The next step is to catch yourself and say what is it that eating
healthy will give me.  Focus on a reasonable outcome.


Dearest:   My youthful body back again.


Dr. Barry Simon:   By the way don't attack yourself for having the thought.  
I have it to this day and I eat healthy.  See how easy it is, 
Dearest?


MBrant1004:   Thanks Dr.


Dearest:   Dr. Simon, I've always eaten healthfully.  Never eat 
junk food.  Why, the highlight of my day is my chocolate soy 
shake :) (but because it's chocolate, not because it's good for me)


Dearest:   Geebee, go ahead, please.


Geebee2000:   I hate to exercise!  Please tell me it's 
psychological (haha) and not lazy    :-)


Dr. Barry Simon:   Of course, it's psychological.  But now let's do 
something about it.  What do you hate about exercise.  Fill in 
the blank -- Exercise is__________.


Geebee2000:  Hot and sweaty and it hurts  
RCHCTH:      I feel like a fool and uncoordinated
Dearest:     Very important (easier when arthritis doesn't hurt)
Z J Gragg:   Get too sweaty and take up time
Norlee:      Exercise is... a bother..hard to get around to?
CPouy:       Painful
C21Rltr3:    Boring
Snowpaux:    Reminds me of when I was a kid and had lots of 
             energy to play
Sherry1015:  A habit you have to get used to doing
PHong96357:  Reminds me that I'm old
Norlee:      Exercise is... not ladylike...LOL!


Dr. Barry Simon:   OK. Make sure that have a way to deal with hot and 
Sweaty, and then chose a form of exercise that doesn't hurt.  
Many times people use what I call all or nothing - thinking that 
means that you either are an Olympic star or a couch potato.  
Pick something that is reasonable and do it for fifteen minutes 
the first day.  If it is indoors turn up the music - do it with 
someone - find ways to make it not hurt - emotionally or 
physically.  Tell yourself, "I'm taking my first step today, and 
that sweating is letting me know I'm getting somewhere."


Geebee2000:   You hit it on the head, I think. Thanks  



CGMatthew:   Any way to "kick start" my attitude.  Know my self 
talk is destroying me.  Therapy has helped but now perimenopause 
is attacking both my body and mind.  Have "I don't care" attitude 
when I really do care?


Dearest:   Excellent question, CG.


Dr. Barry Simon:   A lot of my group is in the same boat.  Perimenopause 
is like being in a dingy at sea.  Some days are clear sailing 
while the next day you feel like someone sucked the life out of 
you.


Dearest:   Yeah, we're dingy's :( 


Dr. Barry Simon:   Oh that's sad.  Take it slowly and keep on sailing.  
I'll stop with the sea metaphors.


CGMatthew:   Easier said than done.


Dearest:   Dr. Simon, for those who haven't yet had read your 
wonderful,  "Break The Weight-Loss Barrier" ,  
can you give us some advice for how to cope with the 
catch-22 of menopause, weight issues, aging, etc? 
(I know that's a tall order)


Dr. Barry Simon:   First, since I have treated many women in this age 
group, one of the great supports is the support of others.  That's 
why this is such a great chat room.  But in addition you need to 
realize that it's not your fault...
            Secondly, you need to have awareness for those rough 
days and write out a plan of what you will do on those depressing, 
screaming days.  
            Next you need, to ask yourself what do I want from my 
life at this point.  Many times, for many of my clients it is a 
time of renewal and reflection - not overnight but for six months
 to a year.  Ask yourself what do I need to do from here in my 
life? 
            In addition, most people I work with start some form 
of meditative practice.  I encourage it greatly - either 
journalling, tai chi, yoga and meditation.


Dearest:   Wonderful, Dr. Simon.  You know, I do a lot of free 
association in Power Surge chats.  Thanks for the great advice.  



Sally1019:   As we age our metabolic rate naturally decreases 
and it seems easier to put on extra lbs.  How can we compensate 
for this rate decrease & maintain a healthy weight? 


Dr. Barry Simon:   It does slow.  In our book, my co-author has a chapter 
called turning your body into a fat burning machine.  Dr, Meschino, 
describes the three ingredients to doing this.  They are: exercise 
30 minutes daily, eat lots of carbs (easy on the starch) and cut 
back to 15 grams or less of saturated fat.  I'd add that you might 
need to do some weight training. 
            Ask your doctor first.  That seems to be one of the 
best way to jump start a fading metabolism.  It doesn't have to 
be big weights.


Dearest:   Excellent, Dr. Simon. Can you give us homework for 
Tomorrow morning... help us on the path to starting a healthy 
inner conversation with ourselves?  Thanks 


Dr. Barry Simon:   Sure.  Take a deep breath, and make a fifteen minute 
commitment.  Say, "I am committed to my greater wellness and 
health starting right now."  Finish off with a health promoting 
action.  Take it slowly.


PHong96357:   What if metabolism shuts down due to meno and loss 
of waistline?  Do we thank the lack of link to our brain function?  
Meaning does it have to be psychological block?


Dr. Barry Simon:   No, it is not only a psychological block.  Menopause 
really effects your mood and your metabolism.  I'm sorry for it 
too, it makes your work more difficult.  But you can do small 
things that make the giant difference.
            One patient in my group has lost forty pounds and she 
attributes it to my helping her calm her critic.  Do that by 
substituting judging with acceptance.  Acceptance is not 
resignation.  Acceptance is saying this is what is, and now what 
can I do from here 


Dearest:   Excellent, Dr. Simon. So many positive results can 
come from simple acceptance :) Sherry, go ahead :)


Sherry1015:   I do best on my weight management eating fruits, 
vegs, and grains - I'm great for a couple of weeks then quit. 
I seem to need more because it is fruit etc.  Some examples of
carbs to eat? Thanks


Dr. Barry Simon:   What happens after a couple of weeks Sherry?


Sherry1015:   I get embarrassed by the amount of fruit/vegs I 
need to feel full and quit.


Dr. Barry Simon:   You are typing that you know you need carbs.  Great 
realization.  Why are you embarrassed?


Sherry1015:   That is a problem I work on with my self meditation.  
My image.


Dr. Barry Simon:   People that eat fruits and veggies have lower rates of 
heart disease and cancer.  Not too embarrassing 


Dearest:   Dr. Simon, years ago when someone was overweight, you'd 
hear maybe 25-30 pounds.  These days it's not uncommon for people 
to be 100 pounds overweight.  Why do you suppose the numbers are 
so high today?  


Dr. Barry Simon:  Great question. I believe it is the availability of 
the very foods that put on fat and that people are much much much 
much more sedentary.  High fat and starchy carbs combined with 
sitting is a formula for weight gain.  People need to band together 
and form groups who will together change this trend.  Each of my 
weight management groups becomes its own support group to reverse 
the trend as a group 


Dearest:   Isn't it also a strange dichotomy that so many people 
are "working out," while others are part of a growing (pardon the 
pun) fat acceptance program? I understand there are some who are
overweight, healthy and everyone should be accepted for who and 
what they are, but for the masses, fat isn't healthy.


Dr. Barry Simon:   I agree.  The research is now supporting that belief - 
that fat isn't healthy and is at the center of diabetes and 
hypertension.  People get so demoralized that is why a group 
atmosphere is where they need to start. 


Dearest:   Thanks, Dr. Simon. Mary, your comment?


PianoMary:   I think the size of portions you buy is out of 
control, too.  The large size of a "serving" encourages you to 
eat/drink more than you need.


Dr. Barry Simon:   You are so right, PianoMary.


Dearest:   Doesn't that begin a chain reaction?  We eat more, we 
need more, we eat more.. and so on? 


Dr. Barry Simon:   It does.  I tell people to start slow in reversing 
that trend.  Many will be suffering the psychological ill effects 
of those diets, and will feel tired, run down and even depressed 


PHong96357:   I was over 25 lbs. since I think meno hit and not 
an ounce was moving until last 4 days and I've lost 6 lbs.  
Should I be worried that something is mental?


Dr. Barry Simon:   Not a lot to go on PH, I might need more info. 


PHong96357:   I don't follow you.


Dearest:   Well, perhaps Dr. Simon needs to know what's caused 
you to lose weight in the past few days.  Didn't happen by itself :)


Dr. Barry Simon:   Thanks Dearest.


Dearest:   You're welcome, Dr. S :)


PHong96357:   Thanks.  I'll think about it.


Dearest:   PHong, what did you do differently in the past few 
days to result in weight loss? 


PHong96357:   I stayed away from some food groups, and just don't 
feel hungry for what I've been craving before all the time - 
sweets ice-cream together with pickles and stuff.  Now it all 
stopped suddenly.


Dr. Barry Simon:   Identifying that is great. Sweets and ice cream are 
the worst combination not to mention adding some salt.  By the 
worst I mean they promote weight gain.  not a judgment about you.  
What will be important is to come up with solution substitutions, 
as we call them in the book, that you'll turn to in the future 
when you get in 'one of those moods.'


Dearest:   Dr. Simon, is it helpful to write down our thoughts 
at the moment we're desiring food? To keep a journal of sorts? 


Dr. Barry Simon:   Yes, you see most of the time we forget the inner 
conversation that gets us off track.  By the way many times you'll 
discover that only four or five inner conversations are at the 
core of your struggles.
           No one, let me stress that, no one knows what gets 
them off track when they start with our book.  Most know their 
later thoughts - after they've gotten off track.  You might 
discover that you feel lonely, sad, upset and have some 'shouldn't 
reaction to that and that discovering it in writing will be 
half the battle to freedom.  In psychotherapy, people realizing 
that what they've done makes 'sense' - given their reality - is 
a lot of the cure.  Most of us don't know our reality.
            So begin to write down the thoughts - that feel like 
goldfish passing through your head as you head to the. fridge or 
cupboard - that is where you will learn about yourself. 


Dearest:   Can you elaborate, from your book, on "revisiting 
inner conversations?" 


Dr. Barry Simon:   By 'revisiting inner conversations' I mean that you 
need to discover what is on your mind as you get overwhelmed, and 
then begin to stand back and see how those very thoughts lead to
your setbacks.  For example, if you say, "I'll start tomorrow," 
what do you imagine you would do?  Or if you said, "I deserve this 
treat, I had a hard day."  Talk permission...  


Dearest:   Thank you.  CGMatthew, go ahead.


CGMatthew:   What are the 3-5 major points in your book?  


Dr. Barry Simon:   CGMatthew, I'll give you three and you can look up the 
other two in the book. Number one, begin by discovering how your thoughts 
and create or determine what you do.  This shifts you from judgement 
to awareness and investigation. 
           Next you need a system to stand back and I believe that 
breathing or meditation is very effective.  Standing back gives 
you an ability to see that what you have done makes sense and only 
now can you change it.
           Step three is replacing that negative inner 
conversation with a positive one.  I spend many pages explaining 
how to do that.


Dearest:   Dr. Simon, do you find that women eat more from an 
emotional need than do men?


Dr. Barry Simon:   Yes.  Men drink alcohol more for emotional reasons.


Dearest:  Interesting. Thanks.  Sally, your comment?


Sally1019:  I feel one of the worst things to happen in America 
is the "all you can eat" food bars. 


Dr. Barry Simon:  All you can eat is a code word for all you can 'wear' 


Dearest:   How true. Lyonsie, go ahead, please.


Lyonsie:   No matter how many times I try to lose weight by 
eating sensibly, I still get sabotaged by food cravings!  How 
can I end this cycle?  


Dr. Barry Simon:   Begin by not being so general.  Everyone has three or 
four scenarios that get themselves into trouble.  The way you're 
talking, I don't know if you've gone to work at solving them.


Lyonsie:   I try but always seem to fall victim!  Comfort foods at 
stressful times, etc.


Dr. Barry Simon: It sounds to me by your 'typing tone' that you're too 
busy being hard on yourself.  Step one is to study your craving 
moments and discover either the activators (people, places, 
feelings or physiological moments) that trigger you - and then set 
out to solve them using any strategy you can think of or read 
(like in Break the Weight Loss Barrier, or any other 
psychologically based weight management or wellness guide..


Lyonsie:   Good advice I'll give it a try! 


Dearest:   Dr. Simon, thanks for spending this time fielding our 
questions about weight-loss, diet, good strategies to help us stay 
with a program to get in the best shape possible!  

          Don't forget to look for Dr. Barry Simon's book, 
"Break The Weight-Loss Barrier." 

          Please join me in thanking Dr. Barry Simon for a very 
enlightening evening in Power Surge  :)

PianoMary:   {S applause
Norlee:      Thanks, Dr Simon!
RCHCTH:      Thank you Dr. Simon
PHong96357:  Thank you.
Sally1019:   Thank You Dr. Simon

Dearest:     Thanks, Barry :)  You were wonderful!

MMichon:     Thank you, Dr. Simon
PianoMary:   Thank you, Dr Simon!
Lyonsie:     Thanks!
Kathycorn:   Thank you
sue:    Thanks for coming 
MBrant1004:  Thanks Dr Simon.  I shall buy the book
Cdgee4:      Thank you!
Z J Gragg:   Thankyou!
Snowpaux:    Thanks for the advice... sounds like good strategies 
             for a good life also.
TISHWEAVER:  :::::Clapping loudly:::::   
             and running to amazon.com


Dr. Barry Simon:     Thanks for having me.  It has been great to be 
             a part of your chat...The questions were great!


Dearest:     The answers were great, too! Thank you. I hope you'll
return again very soon. Continued success in your work :) 

Dr. Barry Simon:     I'd love to and thank you.


Dearest:     Oh, by the way, everyone, Dr. Simon is the father of 
a brand, spanking new baby boy, Benjamin :)  Let's congratulate him
and his lovely wife.

PianoMary:   Congratulations!
MMichon:     Congratulations!
Sally1019:   Congratulations!!
Cdgee4:      Congrats!
sue:    Congratulations!!!!!
PianoMary:   That's wonderful
TISHWEAVER:  Congrats
PHong96357:  Til lykke
Sally1019:   ((((((((Benjamin))))))))
Z J Gragg:   Congrats!!!!!!
CGMatthew:   Congratulations!!

Dearest:     What is that, PHong? til lykke?

PHong96357:  It's in Danish meaning congrats.
Dearest:  Ahh... how beautiful. Thanks, PH :)

MBrant1004:  Congratulations
RCHCTH:      Wonderful, congrats

Dr. Barry Simon:     Thanks, he's been in the room for the last fifteen 
minutes and it is very soothing to hear his cooing...boy you are certainly 
a friendly group.

Dearest:   Enjoy him, Dr. Simon.. and your adorable daughter, too! 

Dearest:   Nite all!  See you at another Power Surge Guest Conference
next week - same place, same time, same quality guests :)


Read Dr. Barry Simon's second transcript
Read Dr. Barry Simon's third transcript



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Dearest
aka Alice Stamm
Power Surge
Founder, Facilitator, Host


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