The Breaking Point
Power Surge™ Live!
Host: Dearest
Guest: Sue Shellenbarger
The Breaking Point:
How Female Midlife Crisis
Is Transforming Today's Women

About Sue Shellenbarger

The Breaking Point: How Female Midlife Crisis Is Transforming Today's Women

Dearest: Sue Shellenbarger is the creator and writer of the The Wall Street Journal's "Work & Family" column. Sue has been writing or editing for The Wall Street Journal in various capacities for 25 years and also hosted a syndicated national "Work & Family" talk radio show on The Wall Street Journal Radio Network for two years. Her column has been nominated for the Pulitzer Prize and has received six major national awards. Her new book, "The Breaking Point: How Female Midlife Crisis Is Transforming Today's Women." Long stereotyped as the province of men, today the midlife crisis is reported with greater frequency by women than men. Though the female midlife crisis travels many courses, Sue Shellenbarger found that most women's angst is propelled primarily by one powerful, repressed passion -- a part of oneself that begs for expression and reintegration. These "six" archetypal drives, as Shellenbarger labels them are: 1) the Lover, 2) the Leader, 3) the Adventurer, 4) the Artist, 5) the Seeker, and 6) the Gardener -- reflect our core human capabilities to love, to create, and to learn. Sue, it's a pleasure to welcome you to Power Surge. We're informal here, so I hope you don't mind if we address you by your first name. Sue Shellenbarger: Thank you, Dearest! It's great to be here. Dearest: Sue, the "Fifty Woman Study" you conducted to garner information for your book, what age group did this cover? Sue Shellenbarger: The women were between 38 and 55 when each had her midlife crisis. Many of the women's transpositions continued until their early 60's. Dearest: Your categorizing of archetypes of midlife crisis is interesting. For example, you talk about "The Gardener" and make reference to Voltaire's. Candide." Those of us who've read "Candide," remember Dr. Pangloss advising Candide to, "Cultivate your own garden." You say further, "At midlife, she (this midlife archetype) concludes that the best path to wisdom lies in tending her own garden, a metaphor for the immediate world within her control. The Gardener focuses deeply on the elements of the life she already has and moves to expand and strengthen them. She strives to make the most of home, family, friends, community, and existing pursuits. She looks within herself to find meaning and new realms of discovery. Above all, this archetype helps a woman learn to cherish and live deeply in the moment." My question is in how different these archetypes are -- how do the aspirations of your "Gardener," differ from the hopes and goals of the others? Sue Shellenbarger: The Gardener is like all of the other archetypes in that she has the same goals at midlife. First, she's seeking new meaning to sustain her and second, she wants to explore and expand her personal limits. She is different in the nature of the goals and desires that are resurgent in her at midlife. She looks to the life she already has to find new meaning while the other archetypes, to varying degrees, work to new endeavors and pursuits, more different than those of the Gardener. ElegantEl: Sue, I haven't read your book but I was wondering...can women have a "reverse" midlife crisis? I have no desire for sex. I had an hysterectomy 6 years ago and I'm no longer on NHRT (natural hormone replacement therapy) and my energy level and life attitude is at an all time low. I'm 45. Sue Shellenbarger: It seems to me that you may be in the early stages of a forward-moving midlife crisis. The beginning often feels like bleak despair. You are often hit by losses, such as physical and emotional setbacks such as you are experiencing and old values fall away. This leaves what feels like a void which can last for months or even longer. It's in this darkness that we often begin to experience growth. Women can also certainly have more than one midlife crisis. For many, this transition sets the stage for continuing stages of renewal that carry them into old age. That is the 80's for old age. Midlife crisis doesn't last that long, but the period of renewal can. Dearest: Can one say that a midlife crisis is a catalyst for reinventing ourselves? Sue Shellenbarger: Midlife crisis is a path toward reinventing ourselves. There is a stage that feels out of control, especially in the beginning. For other women, they decide to reinvent themselves at midlife and avoid the crisis. 64% of women don't have a midlife crisis based on a national study. Dearest: When did the term, "midlife crisis" go from being mostly a male expression to a female experience? Sue Shellenbarger: The first reliable sign that women were having midlife crises on a broad scale was a Cornell study in 2001. That study surprised the researchers by revealing that even more women than men were having what they regarded as a midlife crisis. They defined that more broadly and flexibly than the old stereotype saying that it is a transition brought on by major life events. That study changed our definition of midlife crisis and laid the old stereotype to rest. JolieJacq: Which category would I fall into? I had severe depression last year, and now I'm working on better determining where I end and others begin, LOL. Realizing I've spent a LOT of time taking care of others, leaving little energy for myself. Sue Shellenbarger: It sounds as if you're still in the early stages of this transition and it remains to be seen what dreams and desires emerge most powerfully. This isn't always clear until a few months or longer after a midlife crisis begins. AnnieGal21: I am 53, and when I read about your book, it hit me right between the eyes. I identify with the description of the artist and the seeker. Did you have women who fit into two or more categories? Sue Shellenbarger: Yes. A woman can be changing in 2 major ways at once and can move from one archetype to another. The opportunities are boundless. Rose55bud: Do the archetypes begin to develop at the onset of the physical symptoms of menopause or is it different for each individual? Thanks much, Sue! Sue Shellenbarger: The experience is different for every woman. For some the archetypes begin at the same time as menopause. Others were through menopause or hadn't yet begun when their midlife crises began. Dearest: As one who's run a community for women at midlife and in menopause for 11 years, I'm curious as to the interesting and curious comment on your book's blurb --"The change has little to do with it. Less than 1% of women attribute their midlife turmoil to menopause." My reaction, not only for myself, but from what I've heard communicated by thousands of menopausal women over the years, would be that a greater percentage than "one per cent" of women would attribute their midlife crisis / midlife transformation / midlife turmoil to the very experience of menopause. Could you elaborate, please? Sue Shellenbarger: The 1 percent comes from the Cornell study which revealed women's rates of midlife crisis. The women themselves attribute their midlife crises largely to other factors such as death in the family, health problems, marital problems or the approach of the empty nest. There is no question that menopause was a huge and life-changing event for most of the women in the study. However, it did not account for all of the spiritual, emotional, professional and psychological transformation that women went through. In many cases, I found menopause either accentuated the volatility in women's lives or enhanced their creativity. It also created some genuine, physical suffering. Dearest: Are we to assume that midlife crises mainly emanate from negative experiences? Sue Shellenbarger: In the majority of cases that was true. However, a significant minority of women also experienced liberating events, such as an inheritance, or empty nest or retirement. The triggers can be either negative or positive. Mintara: Have you found that actually one can be more at peace in mid-life, and that the wold crisis is not really an accurate description of how women become transformed in the middle of their lives? I prefer the word revelation! You seem to have found a subject that many women can identify with regardless of the labels. Being middle-aged sometimes causes many changes for us, both physically and mentally. Today, at 52, I see myself as empowered! I look forward to reading your book. I have yet to experience menopause, and wonder what effect, if any that will have. Sue Shellenbarger: I like your word revelation - that's very positive. The word crisis in this context has caused people some trouble. Maybe renewal would be a better word. I like to think of it as an opportunity. Mintara: Thank you. Crisis is something I associate with men PatriciaC: Sue, Sorry to say I have also not read your book yet. Reading the book info on Power Surge made me attend this chat. I have been at the same company for 25 years (several upwarding moving positions) and most times very happy. Please let me know a bit about the leader. I have seriously considering leaving my save harbor and changing jobs. It really makes me worried but I feel unhappy too. I feel like I am no longer growing where I am at now. Very afraid that I am just insane at the moment due to menopause conditions. Your book makes me feel like maybe I am not the only one feeling something like this. Sue Shellenbarger: You are among millions of women who have begun feeling restless in their careers at midlife. Some of them renew themselves while staying in the same job, while deepening relationships at work. Many others take the plunge of starting their own businesses for the first time which is why the majority of female-owned companies are run by women at midlife. Dearest: Sue, thank you for this inspiring and informative chat. I recommend everyone read Sue's excellent book, The Breaking Point: How Female Midlife Crisis Is Transforming Today's Women as well as her ongoing and very popular column, "Work & Family" in the Wall Street Journal. Sue Shellenbarger: Thank you so much for inviting me. It's been a pleasure to be here. These have been great questions! I'd be delighted to return to answer more questions.

 




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Dearest
aka Alice Stamm
Power Surge
Founder, Facilitator, Host


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